My One N' Only Crush For Life!!!

Butterflies churning into your stomach just from his voice. You have never met him in person, but you feel like you are touching him through his voice, words and his songs...
I'll say I am addicted to him, but that won't make justice to my feelings for him...

His voice, boy do I know how to explain what it does to my insides... All the crush I have ever felt in my life, I don't know if anyone or dare I say anything can compete with him... Him being just born... I don't care if I can never see him, but I bet I'll quench this thirst of mine to see him, n just touch him for a second before I die!!!

How can you feel like that for someone??  I use to wonder when people use to tell me that Girls use to faint in places at Michael Jackson's concerts and I use to feel like stupid girls, this is too absurd and exaggeration, now you can definitely see me fainting or worse dying due to happiness if I can just see him in person...

My god I am mushy over him... my heart flutters irresistibly for him. I get jealous of people touching him or just breathin the same air he is... But that's alright because I know he is not mine and never will be, and I am very very happy by just having a piece of him in the form of his voice, which soothes my aching heart and soul so serenly...

I love You Madly, Deeply, Irresistibly, and with my open heart bleeding for you forever darling!!!

Thank You...

I always feel restless after talking to someone. No matter an old friend, an ex, my family or even a stranger. I don't know, a strange kind of restlessness seeps into my soul, and make me itch to continue. To not stop whatever it is happening, else I am going to be left alone.

You know, I never actually thought like this! Infact, I always thought I wanna be left alone. But my unconscious must be an acting devil at the time. Making me scared of the unknown, unknown situations, future or just moments to be fixed into a puzzle, that is my life.

And then I feel like I am drowning until the next time someone interacts with me, talk to me... I thought there's an anchor within, forever searching a steady ground, to instill d roots.

But that's just is!!!
That is not what I wanted, ever!!!
I never wanted to be tied down to anyone, any place or any thought. So why do I feel like that???

To want and to need is two different things right? But I don't bother what's right or wrong añymore.

Then I met someone. A nobody for me because there was nothing new, nothing strange or unique about him.

We shared our thoughts, sometimes on a silly topic n sometimes a heavy one and it was just like with anyone I would have shared with. I thought I'll feel the restlessness once again, the feeling of losing, a thought of losing a channel for my views, my thoughts.

But here comes the strangeness that happened suddenly!
I don't know how, what or at what point I felt like this, but I feel like I am liberated from that invisible anchor which was doing a great job of many things except grounding me to my soul.

Rather, it was binding me to pain, a pain of restlessness so heavy that I was consumed by it. An idle vessel brimming with restless energy.

Now I feel like I am at peace...
peace with everyone and everythin around me.

There's nothing specific which I could point out, but I feel bright, full of light just for me. I have no complaints, regrets or disagreement with this world!

Atlast, I feel like I am free for the first time in my life...

Thank You so much Arpit Vageria. I do not know it was You, Me or whatever it is, but I just feel like I should be thanking You!

Thank You once again!!!

-@radhna

I Move On...

I don't know how to behave: to be myself or be the versions of mine...
Do I wanna live in a society? Yes I do!
Do I wanna live upto their expectations?
No! Because, the problem is, I wouldn't know how to... I mess up everything when I try to live for others.

I have tried and failed many a times, to remain loyal to others and their feelings. I don't cheat, I don't ditch, I become distant and that's the biggest abandon of all.

I try very hard to grab the connection we felt in the beginning, but just like a spring, it stretches to its limit and bounce back.

You help me a great deal. You give me 100%, I'll say 200%.
Alas, I am the one who breaks apart without any way of coming back. I hurt you, I hurt everyone, and when I try to explain myself, I tenfold yr pain...
I know it's a cliché, but baby it's really me, and not you.

I indulge in those memories we made, so full of life, making me choke on the love shinning in your eyes.

I try, N' I try very hard, but it's just a disaster on it's way, waiting for the day when either i'll force you to cheat on me by my stupid behavior or i'll cheat, just to show that I am not what you deserve. Baby you deserve the best, and I am the worst possible match for you.

But I can't live to look into your eyes and see the disgust rising above, which I know will be there when I break your heart...

I am a coward darling and I have nothing in my save...
I move on to stop your heart breaking...
I move on with my heart breaking...
Yeah I move on...

-@radhna

Carcases...

Just when I start living in present,
here comes the knock that I most dread.
Why do you have to come back? Always??
Why can't you just get lost? for like forever???

Stop smothering me with your words, your weapon, you know I am an ultimate victim of yours...

I curse the day I came to know about your existence, your being present.
How long do I need to be dragged by you? I never meant to become this person.

Why can't we just live our lives? Is it necessary for us to clash?
Like a burning lava, erupting from the depths of a volcano, you came back with a vengeance, to destroy me once again...

Ruin me for the worse, and once again I'll be the one, gathering the pieces you left.
Archiving for the disgust to be followed once you are left...
Oh I know you'll be gone...

-@radhna

Black Suits You!

I should explore you.
Yeah that will be the right thing to do!
I just wanna look at you,
Study the features which struck me.
Why You???

You stood out in the crowd like a force, demanding everyone's attention. I couldn't stop myself from gawking. I willed myself to look away (P.S. I barely managed).

Actually I wanted you to caught me staring, challenging you to notice me.

If only you would have noticed...

-@radhna

Be a good man and hide your curiosities plz ;-)

She is sitting beside, holding your hand, pleading with her eyes, to give her the attention she seek.

She wants to be your sunshine, blinding you with her light. You being you, will never even hide!

Staring blatantly, trying to understand just how can someone be so careless??? Your curiosity is itching your conscience. You wanna know why, how, what exactly I am.
Don't bother darling, I am not to be understood. Not to be tempered. I am dangerous for even myself. You can just ask my life!

I am a fruitless intervention, waiting for the explosion someday. A plain, a little conscious, a little careless, with a bucket full of questions for myself.

Yeah I am a fruitless intervention. Don't waste your time, leaving your sunshine behind...

-@radhna

Insecurities

A spirit so wild, always busy, contemplating her thoughts.

Trying to tame,
Even though in vain.

Leave it girl! There's no sense!
The fierce need, logic & reasoning.
That's what are your friends,
Protecting, Tickling, Churning your thoughts.

People come and go...
Yeah they went about their life...
Noone should be blamed,
As I am the force behind.

My insecurities, screaming so loud.
I try to repress, I try to accept.
You know how they reply?
They force back with all their might!!!

And once again, I am left behind...
For better or worse,
I really don't know...
Coz am still trying and trying and trying...
I know...

-@radhna

A Blackout

A Blackout: I was way ahead of my league I guess,  Thought i left all the hurt n moved on… but you showed me what it was:  “An illusion” Yeah, ...

A Blackout

I was way ahead of my league I guess, 

Thought i left all the hurt n moved on… but you showed me what it was: 

“An illusion”
Yeah, I am where I was, when I took a step for myself, 

Just taking a full circle while getting burnt on the way. 
Some will call it an experience or better, memories…

I will call it a blackout.

Addiction, Desperation...

I have become that person once again.
The one who is desperate to feel…
Who wants to pick up d phone n spill my heart out…
Just to get hurt once again, because i know you’ll run over me just like you always do…
When we r together, we r a force to reckon…
But when u leave me, I’m the one to blame…
Why do I do this to myself???
Why do I let you ruin me again n again n some…
Because you make me feel…
No matter how little u give, it’s enough to chase d high…
I pretend I am strong and promise myself to b true, and it takes just a single memory of you n here I am chasing you like an addict to its next shot…