A phase scary enough...

You just came to know about his existence few months back, you held a conversation with him and it was good. You like to talk to him and you both like to discuss various general topics around you. You feel comfortable enough to share your problems or we say confusion with him.

It's all normal and cool always... N then one day you start feeling like why does he need to talk to others and not with you too? You are comfortable when he is talking to you and others as well, but when he talks to others n not you, problem starts then and there...

How foolish I am to feel this thing? 
Do we call it jealousy?
Because I don't know him enough to feel jealous about him.

Do we call it insecurity?
Because I feel confident enough when he talk to others as well.

Do we call it an emotional hole inside me?
Because I know I am emotionally stable to take decisions about my life.

Or Do we call it just a phase?
Because this has happened again n again n again...

Yes it's nothing new for my diabolical mind, which keeps on clinging to someone just to satisfy her need of having a conversation, to connect, to get involved, to not left alone...

-@radhna

The unbearable and harsh truth of life...

You love your parents, you always respect them and move towards your goal around only in a way to keep the most imp people, yr parents at the center of your life.

But then suddenly one night, you get a dreaded call n everything crashes in that single millisecond!!! and you hate everything around now... Nuthing n i mean nuthing can change this... You gonna crash and never b yourself once again... No beliefs, no values, no fucking destiny will work coping with this pain!

You just have to let it seep into your soul and get yourself drenched into it... You'll learn living with it, but mind you: in no less painfull seconds...

So noone and no amount of knowledge is ever gonna make you ready for these phases of your life my dear ones...

_@radhna

A step towards yourself only!

Insecurity is the biggest enemy of us women and we all know it develops since childhood. Childhood is when yr parents start sowing their seeds in the form of how they behave and treat everyone in front of their children. No matter how much we agree to disagree with this fact, go knock your soul and you'll get your answer.

If that one time or one too many times your mother would hav stood up for herself or what she believed was right in her eyes, it would not have been you to bow down against domestic violence or ne other kind of violence!

You should never take any decision just because you are insecure about yr future, children, security or even Hell! You should take any and every step to secure yourself first coz God made you for yourself first and it's your responsibility to perform your rights. If you'll be safe and feeling comfortable, then n then only you can do nethin for your loved ones!

-@radhna

Stay Detached!

Never get attached to your plannings. They will change, as everything changes. Change is what the only constant in life, the more you fight against the wind, the more it'll leave you behind.

Take a deep breath, and try to live in the moment. Enjoy your life, enjoy what you have got today and to hell with your future plannings!

Nature will take its place and you have to adjust accordingly. The more you are able to mould with the changes, (just to get it over with, don't get attached to this change as well!) and you'll be able to see things more clearly.

I know it's hard, no it's painful and pain demands to be felt, spread inside you and let you live with it. It makes the matter more clear on the other side. You have to experience the pain and get used to it. I promise it gets better!

To all out there who is facing problems in their life, no matter huge, critical, small or minor it'll pass away and trust me when I say, the after-effects of these change will give new meanings to your life.

Why the change?
When I can exchange?
You live once,
You die once.
Take the chances,
Break into dances.
Your smile gets bigger,
Your world turns brighter.
Trust your instincts,
And you'll love your innings.
You get only one life to be YOU,
Don't let these changes to destroy you.

-@radhna

Games of my Life!

Candy Crush, Pirate Kings, Blocks I don't even know the names of all the games people play now a days. I use to get irritated when people play those stupid games and I was at the receiving end of those game requests like many out there in a friend list.

It was a waste of time. A no-brainer (I knoe it requires strategies and mind fuck) but still, why bother with those and not invest your time in some fruitful work? 

I got the answer today, being sick and lying in bed whole day, your empty mind seeks to those dreadful past and innumerable possibilities of your future. They are nothing but a devil lurking in the shadows, waiting patiently for a chance; a chance to escape into your mind and suck the life out of your present. Leaving you motionless and incapable of holding yourself together. You feel better when you succumb to those needs of crying your heart out or delivering those abuses you wanted to hurl on someone since long ago.

I found these silly games coming to my rescue when my books even lost all their charm during those blackouts. These silly games which doesn't require your mind or soul to engage, just go on with the chores of the process and waste away those thoughts dragging you to the darkness.

I never thought I'll ever spend an ounce of my time on these games, but today I am thankful to those for existing.

-@radhna

My One N' Only Crush For Life!!!

Butterflies churning into your stomach just from his voice. You have never met him in person, but you feel like you are touching him through his voice, words and his songs...
I'll say I am addicted to him, but that won't make justice to my feelings for him...

His voice, boy do I know how to explain what it does to my insides... All the crush I have ever felt in my life, I don't know if anyone or dare I say anything can compete with him... Him being just born... I don't care if I can never see him, but I bet I'll quench this thirst of mine to see him, n just touch him for a second before I die!!!

How can you feel like that for someone??  I use to wonder when people use to tell me that Girls use to faint in places at Michael Jackson's concerts and I use to feel like stupid girls, this is too absurd and exaggeration, now you can definitely see me fainting or worse dying due to happiness if I can just see him in person...

My god I am mushy over him... my heart flutters irresistibly for him. I get jealous of people touching him or just breathin the same air he is... But that's alright because I know he is not mine and never will be, and I am very very happy by just having a piece of him in the form of his voice, which soothes my aching heart and soul so serenly...

I love You Madly, Deeply, Irresistibly, and with my open heart bleeding for you forever darling!!!

Thank You...

I always feel restless after talking to someone. No matter an old friend, an ex, my family or even a stranger. I don't know, a strange kind of restlessness seeps into my soul, and make me itch to continue. To not stop whatever it is happening, else I am going to be left alone.

You know, I never actually thought like this! Infact, I always thought I wanna be left alone. But my unconscious must be an acting devil at the time. Making me scared of the unknown, unknown situations, future or just moments to be fixed into a puzzle, that is my life.

And then I feel like I am drowning until the next time someone interacts with me, talk to me... I thought there's an anchor within, forever searching a steady ground, to instill d roots.

But that's just is!!!
That is not what I wanted, ever!!!
I never wanted to be tied down to anyone, any place or any thought. So why do I feel like that???

To want and to need is two different things right? But I don't bother what's right or wrong añymore.

Then I met someone. A nobody for me because there was nothing new, nothing strange or unique about him.

We shared our thoughts, sometimes on a silly topic n sometimes a heavy one and it was just like with anyone I would have shared with. I thought I'll feel the restlessness once again, the feeling of losing, a thought of losing a channel for my views, my thoughts.

But here comes the strangeness that happened suddenly!
I don't know how, what or at what point I felt like this, but I feel like I am liberated from that invisible anchor which was doing a great job of many things except grounding me to my soul.

Rather, it was binding me to pain, a pain of restlessness so heavy that I was consumed by it. An idle vessel brimming with restless energy.

Now I feel like I am at peace...
peace with everyone and everythin around me.

There's nothing specific which I could point out, but I feel bright, full of light just for me. I have no complaints, regrets or disagreement with this world!

Atlast, I feel like I am free for the first time in my life...

Thank You so much Arpit Vageria. I do not know it was You, Me or whatever it is, but I just feel like I should be thanking You!

Thank You once again!!!

-@radhna